About Me

Sunday, March 25, 2012

At Dusk.



"Din dhal jaaye raat na aaye,tu toh na aaye teri yaad sataaye.- guide."


I’m afraid to sleep
I’m afraid to sleep

As night steps in wearing its glittering dress
I’m frightened of its beautiful darkness
I can’t fight the memories it brings in with it
I lose daily, maddening myself bit by bit

I’m afraid of the dreams that the sleep will bring in of you
Again and again, I’m afraid of losing my thoughts to you.
I’m struggling to make myself unfeeling, object-like and opaque
Trying to bury you under layers of hurt, anger, tears and heart ache

How to get myself out of this abyss?
How to draw you out of my heart and dismiss?
Even the blur of an illusion of you or a distant dream can bring it all back
Just the vision of you can make me defenseless-oh! what a cold attack

And if I sleep
And if I sleep

The dream I can never have, will unfold, in an awning 
autumn will prance in, disguised as spring
Mirage will flounce in, disguised as Oasis
Hope will be tricked by sweet reminiscence with pain as nexus

And I will fall vulnerably
Into the hungry ravine again, naively
Foolishly painting with colors in wild imagination
Only to be rendered sightless after it’s completion

Powerful pangs shall hit me later causing invisible burns
As I try to soothe them with my unending tear patterns
They shan't appease, for my tears are acids of pain
Burning me, turning me into a mere meek membrane

But I’ll sleep
But I’ll sleep

With a tear on my face I will wait for the dream…
The cruel dream to sow daffodils on the bank of my heart’s stream
I know they’ll die just tomorrow
And again I shall weep a deep ocean of sorrow

Nevertheless, I’ll put myself to sleep and reverie
At least my delusions will be flowery
Then maybe I’ll sleep forever
Then maybe I can dream of you forever

Then Maybe.
Just maybe.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Oh Mother!



You fashioned me with tender love and utmost care,
Woke me up with the musical chirpings spreading through the air,
Gave me fruits of varied tastes and many a companions in animals,
And I leaped jumped and played in happiness in the jungles
And when night fell, you sang to me through the lovely whispers of the wind
You rocked me into sleep wrapping warm blankets of flowers,helping me unwind


I built sand castles in the lap of your beach
Magnified them and started living a little out of your reach
But you were proud, for I had found something mine, a creative lil hobby
One day,I who never plucked a bud hitherto, axed a flowery tree for my luxury
You squinched but forgave me, thinking it was just an innocent gaffe
Though worrying that I might be turning this heaven into a riffraff


And I went on and hunted my brethren, my dear animals,
You stared, shocked and appalled at how easily I could kill my own pals
built something emitting black smokes, a machine I called it, choking you further
You coughed and I ignored, you bled and I didn’t even bother
But again you forgave me thinking it was just a brutal chapter
Though it hurt you, you were patient; you waited for me to change, to alter


I wasn’t paying heed to any of your pains
You understood that all I wanted was control over your reins
Then you showed your fury-shook the earth, wrought floods in the ocean
I was scared and vowed to take care but forgot all about it, yet another treason
Building many, polluting more, ruining most
You were counting my mistakes, I didn’t know, for I was a mad ghost


One day when I woke up, all I could hear were unpleasant cries
The changes brought about had suddenly hit me between my eyes
There was only the ruthlessness of sunrays burning my face
The harshness of wind cutting my skin, not a thing to embrace
Diseases, plague, pestilence spreading like wildfires
Stench, dirt, dust accompanied them as faithful squires


Not one twitter I could hear, not one sweet note I could listen to
Not one sweet blossom I could smell, not one fragrance I could drown into
Not one brother I could play with, not one leaping deer I could see
The vultures of my fate were circling above me
Where has everything gone? I was ignorantly trying to find my lost treasure
Everything has been taken away; the realization was more agonizing than a seizure


I saw your waters turn blood red, swelling and ebbing
I heard the wind’s howling, gasps of your weeping
I saw the volcano bursting with the hurt you gulped down, blistering for revenge
I felt the sky above me thundering, ready to avenge
I felt land beneath me trembling in shame and disappointment
Disappointment for carrying a child, bearing everything for it like a peasant


The realization has hit too late, I cry for the flora and the fauna, Oh mother!
And above all I cry for your comforting lap Mother!
Now I’ve learnt my lesson, please give me another chance
Please let me snuggle in your protective expanse
My heart yearns for your love, kindness, for everything that you’re Mother,
Punish me but don’t throw me away from your feet Mother!!


Oh Mother!
Have mercy Oh Mother!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Till death do us part.



I never liked the look of the body that housed me
I wished she were prettier,
I kept hoping she might suddenly bloom into a spectacular beauty
I was waiting for that moment,running hither and tither


I painted my lips red,my eyes black,but in vain
I was enraged whenever I looked at my reflection
I was restless, I was frustrated that I was so plain
I cursed God,saying i didn't deserve such an imperfection


I yowled into the pillow like a beast
I yelled at my very own face for a let out,for a release
but alas the pain only increased
sneering at my plainness,cutting me piece by piece


I stopped caring,i was dead
I lied down inside,in a deep sleep of  remorse
My body just walked,keeping me alive,drinking water and eating bread
for survival or mere existence,it dragged me with it  by force


One day,as it walked,it tumbled over a rock and fell
Scabbed it's knee bloody,but I didn't feel a thing
It walked on,plucked a rose and buried itself into it to smell
In me,I could feel the pleasantness of the sweet blossoms circling


I raised myself from sleep to get a better glimpse,but the rose's beauty stifled me
and i drowned back into the deep depths of my sea of melancholy
and my body pricked it's own finger with the thorn of the rose repeatedly
dripping blood,it went on piercing at the same spot unkindly


i couldn't understand what it was trying to prove?what was it's point?
a pool of blood has formed on the ground from it's jabbing.I was tired of it's game,
was it waiting for my sympathy?was it waiting for me to anoint?
since i couldn't feel the pain,the plan seemed just too lame


just then,it hit me,My carrier made me feel only life's mirth
it shielded me from the pain and suffering of wounds,bearing them bravely 
It showed me only the beauty,made me feel only the warming touch of earth
But the gashes and scabs it kept for itself,sustaining patiently.


All that has been eating me alive, had ceased,I felt a sense of tranquility within,
Suddenly all the negativity left me,I felt alive,i felt complete
I was whole,a much awaited sense of relief stepped in 
I had the urge to look at myself after this life rewarding treat


As I slowly peered into the waters of a lake,with anxious silence
--the same eyes,the same face looked back at me,but my reflection made me start
There was light in my eyes,glow on my face and the indescribable beauty of acceptance
I smiled in my celebration as i shall be such a beauty Till death do us part.