I closed my eyes.
As soon as I close my eyes,she speaks to me,The Voice.
But now---
Silence!!!
Just pitch dark canvas of hollowness under the trembling blankets of my eyelids.
I closed my eyes harder,wrinkling my brow and frowning my forehead in a way that it translated into an echoing demand of "Where are you?"
Hit by silence again.
I knew it has been a long time since I talked to her.
I knew she might be angry with me.
But such cold silence?
I was taken over by sudden spasms of fright.
May be she got lost I wondered.
I stood alone in the tangible spatial arena within me, " I thought I had you safe in here, I thought I whisked this precious part of you away from the world...smuggled you into the folds of this beautiful world of serene nothingness of no boundaries.Where there is no age. Where there is no superficiality.Where there is no negativity. Just delightful conversations.Where are you? Quit this hide and seek.I have enough of that in the real world." I yelled with fanatical anger "Where ARE you!!?". Silence again.
I dug my eyelids even deeper,trying to mentally suck The Voice out from wherever she is hiding or from whatever place that she has trapped herself into.I was pleading and begging for just a word or a syllable or even a breath. A tear rolled out of the corner of my eye marking its way onto the side of my cheek to my earlobe.That tear was what I was most afraid of. It was an affirmation for the question that I was not ready to believe.
That single tear was also the mighty cork to a bursting well of tears.When that single barricade was broken there was no stopping, I wailed. I wailed for my lost Voice. I hiccuped with the sudden overlapping outbursts of wails,cries and pleas. I screamed with an angst for my lost voice. I knew it was all my doing. I lost myself in the midst of my busy chatter of a meaningless life. I didn't pay heed to her when she popped into say a Hello. I snubbed her when she raised a question on my character. I ignored her when she was hollering for just few minutes of my time. I have prostituted my mind,gave it piece by piece to people who triggered degradation of my life in the name of enjoyment.Who did not enrich it but mutilated it with cheap complaints of no consequences, of no importance, of no reason.
My cheeks burnt with the molten tears of loss.
My mind remained pitch dark but it now had an eerie feeling of a broken home.
I stood alone on the threshold of a giant closed door.
When I unknowingly lit the pyre of my own Inner Voice, The doors have been shut.
I closed the door to my very own soul.
As soon as I close my eyes,she speaks to me,The Voice.
But now---
Silence!!!
Just pitch dark canvas of hollowness under the trembling blankets of my eyelids.
I closed my eyes harder,wrinkling my brow and frowning my forehead in a way that it translated into an echoing demand of "Where are you?"
Hit by silence again.
I knew it has been a long time since I talked to her.
I knew she might be angry with me.
But such cold silence?
I was taken over by sudden spasms of fright.
May be she got lost I wondered.
I stood alone in the tangible spatial arena within me, " I thought I had you safe in here, I thought I whisked this precious part of you away from the world...smuggled you into the folds of this beautiful world of serene nothingness of no boundaries.Where there is no age. Where there is no superficiality.Where there is no negativity. Just delightful conversations.Where are you? Quit this hide and seek.I have enough of that in the real world." I yelled with fanatical anger "Where ARE you!!?". Silence again.
I dug my eyelids even deeper,trying to mentally suck The Voice out from wherever she is hiding or from whatever place that she has trapped herself into.I was pleading and begging for just a word or a syllable or even a breath. A tear rolled out of the corner of my eye marking its way onto the side of my cheek to my earlobe.That tear was what I was most afraid of. It was an affirmation for the question that I was not ready to believe.
That single tear was also the mighty cork to a bursting well of tears.When that single barricade was broken there was no stopping, I wailed. I wailed for my lost Voice. I hiccuped with the sudden overlapping outbursts of wails,cries and pleas. I screamed with an angst for my lost voice. I knew it was all my doing. I lost myself in the midst of my busy chatter of a meaningless life. I didn't pay heed to her when she popped into say a Hello. I snubbed her when she raised a question on my character. I ignored her when she was hollering for just few minutes of my time. I have prostituted my mind,gave it piece by piece to people who triggered degradation of my life in the name of enjoyment.Who did not enrich it but mutilated it with cheap complaints of no consequences, of no importance, of no reason.
My cheeks burnt with the molten tears of loss.
My mind remained pitch dark but it now had an eerie feeling of a broken home.
I stood alone on the threshold of a giant closed door.
When I unknowingly lit the pyre of my own Inner Voice, The doors have been shut.
I closed the door to my very own soul.
Introspection at its best
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